A Question about Obama's State of the Union Address

[Airwick]

"The Simpsons" Marge vs. the Monorail (1993)


[whistle sounds; Homer slides down the power plant into his car, drives away, and sings to the tune of "The Flintstones"]
Homer: Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. AAH!
[crashes into a chestnut tree]
Leonard Nimoy: My job here is done.
Barney Gumble: What do you mean? You didn't do anything.
Leonard Nimoy: [chuckles] Didn't I?
[gets "beamed" away, a la "Star Trek"]
Leonard Nimoy: [appraising the monorail] I'd say this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Mayor Quimby: Yes, and may I say, "May the Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: [annoyed] Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Aren't you one of the Little Rascals?
[the out-of-control Monorail has been temporarily halted by a solar eclipse]
Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
Man: [sitting next to Leonard Nimoy and starting to get a little freaked out by him] Does anyone want to switch seats?
Marge: My name is Marge Simpson and I have an idea. It may sound a little boring at first.
Mayor Quimby: Chat away. I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.
[Homer can't stop the monorail]
Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's NOT Batman.
Homer: Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor.
Marge: Homer, no.
Homer: It's my lifelong dream!
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to run out onto the field during a baseball game, and you did it last year, remember?
[Points to a framed newspaper reading "IDIOT RUINS GAME - Springfield forfeits pennant"]
Homer: Donuts - is there anything they can't do?
[Homer and Marge discuss the dangers of a monorail]
Marge: What if something goes wrong?
Homer: Pffft... what if. What if I'm taking a shower and I slip on a bar of soap? Oh my god, I'd be killed!
Mayor Quimby: And now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshall, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
Leonard Nimoy: [referring to the monorail] I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp Five.
[crowd laughs]
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May the Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: [annoyed] Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
[Suggestions on how to spend Mr. Burns' $3 million]
Apu: Pardon me, but I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost missed work.
Chief Wiggum: Crybaby.
Marge Simpson: [Marge opens a closet in the momorail] Homer, there's a family of opossums in here!
Homer: I call the big one Bitey.
Homer: Are we gonna die son?
Bart: Yeah. But at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us.
Sebastian Kobb: [showing Marge North Haverbrook's monorail] This is all that's left of one of the crappiest trains ever built.
Marge Simpson: [worried] Mr Kobb, what can we do?
Sebastian Kobb: You just better have a damn good conductor.
[cuts to the monorail where Homer is clattering a metal wire over the monorail door]
Homer: Ohh, I locked my keys in there!
[to Bart]
Homer: Get a rock.
Mayor Quimby: All right, I'm in charge here.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, run along, Quimby. I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere.
Mayor Quimby: Watch it, you talking tub of donut batter.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby.
Mayor Quimby: You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass. Now beat it! I'm calling the shots.
Chief Wiggum: I think that sash is cutting off the air to your brain! The town charter says, in an emergency I run the show!
Mayor Quimby: Well, we'll just see about that! Let's go to Town Hall!
Chief Wiggum: Fine!
[then]
Chief Wiggum: Should we take one car, or should I follow you?
Judge Snyder: Mr. Burns, in light of your unbelievable contempt for human life, this court fines you $3million.
Montgomery Burns: Smithers, my wallet's in my right front pocket.
[Smithers hands over the money]
Montgomery Burns: Oh, and I'll take that statue of justice too.
Judge Snyder: Sold!
Marge Simpson: Well, I think we should spend the money on something the whole town can be proud of.
Homer: Like a giant billboard that says "No fat chicks"?
Marge Simpson: No.
Marge: [at the town meeting] Ooh, it looks like everyone in Springfield showed up for this.
[cut to a group of burglars breaking into various houses]
Snake: Could this town be any stupider?
Mayor Quimby: Order! Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.
Homer: Get to the money!
Mayor Quimby: In a moment. First, let's review the minutes from our last meeting.
Apu: Get to the money!
Rev. Lovejoy: Get to the money!
Grampa Simpson: Get to the moneeey!
Mayor Quimby: Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the $2million.
Lisa Simpson: Don't you mean $3million?
Mayor Quimby: Of course. How silly of me.
Homer: [driving the car with a giant piano strapped to the top, therefore the total weight seriously damaging the road] Whoo-hoo! Look at that pavement fly!
Homer: [after the monorail song has just finished] Mono... D'oh!
Maude Flanders: Excuse me, we could use the money to hire fireman to finally put out that blaze on the east side of town.
Homer: Boring!
TV announcer: Coming soon, it's "Truckasaurus: The Movie", starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
John Truckasaurus: You crazy car, I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you.
TV disclaimer: Celebrity voice impersonated.
Montgomery Burns: [very badly disguised with a fake moustache] Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh... someplace far away.
Montgomery Burns: [to himself] Yes, that'll do.
Montgomery Burns: [back to Mayor Quimby] Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Waylon Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks.
[everyone looks suspiciously at Mr. Burns, then Smithers fires a rope a the roof, helping Mr. Burns to escape]
Kent Brockman: [to the TV camera] Here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest day at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Kent Brockman: [to Lurleen] What you been up to Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in the ditch.
Kent Brockman: [to the TV camera] How about that, folks?
Marge: I still thing we should have used the money to fix Main Street.
Homer: Well, you should have written a song like that guy.
Homer: Ah, Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.

(cue Obama)